The Cahill's

Is it okay to cry? Or is that being ungrateful. Should you stuff down emotion, dashing away any drop of moisture that wells up unbidden? Does anger overcome sadness as you tell yourself that you’re being selfish, why does it have to be such a big deal?

Really, if I weigh blessings  vs. troubles then the scales would be largely in the positive. I mean, there was good exercise, good study, wonderful show of friendship yesterday, an unexpected free meal – complete with ice cream! – a good jog, time with a kid, and lessons in a new sport.

How can two things so cloud all other happenings? Maybe its just the stacking of the two, the pressure of one unable to be released by the second. I struggle to keep things in perspective, and I’m not doing so well, that’s why I ask; is it okay to cry?

Ah, God has smote my conscience all afternoon. I first got this xanga account with the understanding between me and God, that I would use it to testify of His works in my life, and the last post didn’t meet up with that guideline. So now I’m coming back to try and apply that post to, ummm, something…lets see…..

Okay, think of it maybe along this line. Sometimes I tend to “sanitize” my sin; I clean up my act enough to where it doesn’t threaten public opinion or cause much harm to the average person. However, if God were to take a closer look with His “microscope” He would see that sin is still there.

Okay, that was to make up for the other, now to apply it. (sort of ) You know if you look in the opposite end of binoculars the things that are near appear to be far away. Maybe that applies for a microscope too, I don’t know, I haven’t tried. Anyway, I think that I have been looking up through the microscope at God, seeing Him as a far away holiness, thinking that I too am the same way and can therefore hide little actions and attitudes throughout the day. I forget that I am under close inspection and that He can watch the growth of sin in a “culture medium” that has been sanitized but not sterilized.

I hope that makes sense, maybe I need to stop studying and go to bed, but I had to clear that seemingly small thing up. After all, bacteria multiply by the power of two, every generation. Okay, I’ll stop now.

Look at the munchkins I spent the weekend with! What a great break and a re-awakening of a broader vision. I have to admit that when I left the Inn on Friday I was reluctant to go because I didn’t want to miss the stuff that would go on this weekend – can you believe that? I had let my focus get so small as to forget there was much of a world outside of the bubble we live in here. I think I need to get out more.

Anyhow, I got to spend all weekend just hanging out with a family, I really miss that; God bless all families who take in college students. We got to eat home cooked food, clean house, play Old Maid, give piggy back rides (sometimes to three kids at a time) and sit in on family wisdom search. Oh, and we had ice cream, that fills the quota for this week J

Little kids fill a special need in my life, I can’t explain it but I know that they will be an essential part of my life and ministry. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to work with and love little kiddos. I’ve been working on my social life here so much that I’ve lost perspective, besides, kids don’t have lots of complicated problems, they don’t ask hard questions, they have such great faith, and such a simple outlook on life; we can relate really well. Children are my calling and I am so happy!

Thank you Lord for reminding me why I am here at college, thank you for showing me simple trust. Thank you for taking me out of the adult’s life of care and giving me lessons in the trusting acceptance and faith of a child. Take my hand Lord and lead me.