Touched by several inquiries about how I fared this morning and with
your safety in mind, I post the following account of my harrowing
morning after chapel.
*note: these photos represent a live documentation of an actual event
and have not been subjected to any form of retouching; no photographers
were harmed during this event.*

I was quietly studying in my room this morning, subdued by the recent
loss of J.P. – I had kept the garbage bag in memory of his selfless
sacrifice. (Not to worry, the bags are only dangerous if they are empty
and therefore, hungry.

Anyhow, I  was just sitting there when another garbage bag jumped me!

I had feared this, having exposed their plot to take over the RCI, I
knew that the bags would see me as a threat and try to take me out. A
brief struggle ensued as the garbage bag totally engulfed me.

This might have been the untimely end of Amy Jones. However,
strengthened by the fact that I had not had any spinach in the last
month, I was able to bust out of the bag!

The bag was much stronger than I had anticipated, and despite the fact that I knew it was useless, I tried to fight the bag.

I fought to the best of my abilities but to no avail. While delivering
a particularly vicious kick, the bag wrapped itself around my legs,
throwing me to the floor. I drug myself across the room and with my
last ounces of strength managed to grab the only other weapon I knew

Duck Tape!!!

Just the sight scared the bag so badly that I was able to gain the
upper hand and secure the bag where it couldn’t bother me again!

I scoured our room for any more perpetrators, and quickly strung them up, along with J.P.’s bag – just in case.

Unfortunately one escaped under the door and is still out there!

So beware of the garbage bag, and be thankful it was just a little one.
Remember that duck tape is the key, I’m just sorry that I didn’t find
out fast enough to save J.P.
So properly prepare yourselves and set up your own home security system.

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