The Cahill's

Well, I have entered the sacred and honored ranks of all those who have failed a test and lived through it. Chemistry proved to be my match. Maybe now people will quit saying that I’m a brain, I’m really not.

I had contemplated what I would do if I failed a test and suddenly, as my score flashed on the screen, I only had a few minutes to finalize my reactions. Coming out of the testing center I was greeted by a seeming multitude of people, different states of anxiety about their own upcoming tests spread on their faces, yet they still cared about how I did. How awful to tell them, I hated to make them feel bad on my account.

How hard to break the news to those who asked, some were a lot harder to tell than others; Mr. Shoemaker was the hardest.

We’re studying the command of Christ to be perfect, how would Jesus react? What is the perfect response? The word “perfect” there means complete; well my degree certainly won’t be complete without that test. The passage also talks about not only loving those who love you, hmmm. Maybe this is one of those tests “will you receive good from the Lord and not evil”? Do I love God only when He is good to me? No, I think I would love Him even if I failed every test.

Going back to being perfect, or complete, I think that experiencing this time of failure adds to my character, a character that will one day be made complete. It also allows me to relate to others who have failed, adding yet another facet, to the whole of my being. So, I think my response would be gratefulness and praise to the Lord, that He would allow me to fail a test. I will admit that this attitude had to struggle with other emotions during the day, several times being on the verge of tears. But I could still go about my day with a cheerfulness that came straight from the Lord, I could go down to service hour and choose to focus on others and make those around me glad rather than focus on myself. I could even restart this whole blog when Gavrielle told me not to start it by calling myself a loser. That’s not the attitude Christ would have, so neither will I. Praise God.

Wow, God sure took me for a roller coaster ride today, I shouldn’t be allowed out of my room when I’m like this. I guess its good practice to have to interact with people when my thoughts are raging and my emotions are strange and I have a hard time paying attention to everyone around me. I like to just go somewhere by myself sit still and think hard until things begin to settle down.

I’m glad for everything though, I have been in a spiritual lull this week and I asked God to help me move on. Normally I prefer some sort of outside trial, I’m not so good at handling the inside ones, but either way I grow, so I’ll be happy.

One other sad note – We are finally down to just the two of us 🙁 We tried to avoid it for as long as possible but tonight it has become final. We had a great time with Gavrielle, I’m so grateful for the time God granted to us. She feels sort of like a sister now and I’m glad she’ll be here for a month. May God bless her with time and discipline as she does the cooking course and Biology. We love you Gav!