The Cahill's

Today I was cleaning out our fridge and found a piece of chocolate cake in the freezer. I tried a little to see if it was any good (frozen cake is a lot like ice cream you know) but it was awful, all dried out and yuck. I then tried the icing just by itself to see if it was still alright, but it wasn’t all that great either so I threw it all away.

Tonight I get down to dinner, load up my tray and sit down. I was thanking God for the great meal and the special treat of cake when suddenly, the thought struck me, that this wasn’t the only time I had seen chocolate cake today.

As I continued that line of reasoning, I thought about how I had had something that looked good but really wasn’t and so I put it away from me. Now God had given me something ten times better!

All of this had passed through my head in the course of my prayer and with a surge o love and gratefulness I blessed the Lord for this unexpected gift. Hardly had I done that, when my brain shifted into application mode. I have this thing I am holding onto, I won’t let it go, but God has been trying to show me that it’s not as great as I’m making it out to be. He may have something much better waiting for me but I have to put away what seems good in order to have what is good.

Is it okay to cry? Or is that being ungrateful. Should you stuff down emotion, dashing away any drop of moisture that wells up unbidden? Does anger overcome sadness as you tell yourself that you’re being selfish, why does it have to be such a big deal?

Really, if I weigh blessings  vs. troubles then the scales would be largely in the positive. I mean, there was good exercise, good study, wonderful show of friendship yesterday, an unexpected free meal – complete with ice cream! – a good jog, time with a kid, and lessons in a new sport.

How can two things so cloud all other happenings? Maybe its just the stacking of the two, the pressure of one unable to be released by the second. I struggle to keep things in perspective, and I’m not doing so well, that’s why I ask; is it okay to cry?

Ah, God has smote my conscience all afternoon. I first got this xanga account with the understanding between me and God, that I would use it to testify of His works in my life, and the last post didn’t meet up with that guideline. So now I’m coming back to try and apply that post to, ummm, something…lets see…..

Okay, think of it maybe along this line. Sometimes I tend to “sanitize” my sin; I clean up my act enough to where it doesn’t threaten public opinion or cause much harm to the average person. However, if God were to take a closer look with His “microscope” He would see that sin is still there.

Okay, that was to make up for the other, now to apply it. (sort of ) You know if you look in the opposite end of binoculars the things that are near appear to be far away. Maybe that applies for a microscope too, I don’t know, I haven’t tried. Anyway, I think that I have been looking up through the microscope at God, seeing Him as a far away holiness, thinking that I too am the same way and can therefore hide little actions and attitudes throughout the day. I forget that I am under close inspection and that He can watch the growth of sin in a “culture medium” that has been sanitized but not sterilized.

I hope that makes sense, maybe I need to stop studying and go to bed, but I had to clear that seemingly small thing up. After all, bacteria multiply by the power of two, every generation. Okay, I’ll stop now. 🙂